21 going on 70
Note: This is Richie. Richie is a surly old man, and
a good friend of mine from back in the pre-war days, by
which I mean grade school. With with some amicable
cajoling, and a few threats of physical violence, he may be
doing some occasional writing here. He really has no reason
not to, considering he made the excellent choice of
dropping out.
Whenever I have a birthday, my dad asks me, "So how does it
feel to be X years old?" Of course, it feels no different
than the day before. But in retrospect, I'm fucking old. I
know, everyone says they feel so old, but they're like 30.
I first noticed this when I was a freshman in college. I
was 18 and spent my time in front of MTV instead of in
class. It hit me that I have no idea what kids these days
are up to. I don't understand them. Or perhaps it's that my
joints creak, I have chronic fatigue, I'm as gassy as an
Iraqi oil field, and I lie in bed all day only to get up to
pee or smoke.
I am now 21 and younguns boggle me even more than before.
The music, the slang, the fashion, it's all foreign, and
like all foreigners, it's annoying. Like any old man I'm
gonna complain about kids with their fast cars and
complicated shoes. Kids these days have no imagination,
ethics, or individuality. They all dress the same, so I
thought I would try the fashion out for myself with some of
my friends to prove to you how stupid it looks.
TV and video games are nothing like they used to be.
Television programs, or "shows" lack any trace of
originality or creativity. "I know, let's get people drunk
and film them falling down and making out." Isn't that
called high school? Apparently now it's called "The Real
World". TV has fallen into the depths of reality TV where
everyone is whoring themselves out to gain their 15 minutes
of fame. All those folks on VH1 say, "The time the Survivor
guy lied about his dead grandmother will be remembered
forever." I can't even remember what happened earlier this
week unless I ingest my prescribed "Best Week Ever" pills.
Even the cartoons for the children are lacking the
imagination and creativity they use to have. Shows are now
based on crappy movies and crappy toys all in the name of
making more money for the suits. The cartoons I grew up
with were based on hallucinogen-induced dreams, shows like
"Eek the Cat". What a great show. In fact, now cartoons are
all animated by some Korean or Chinaman or something. It's
pretty complicated if you look into it, trust me. The
cartoons I grew up with were done by one guy the morning
before they aired. Talk about American know-how and
get-to-itness.
As much as I hate it, I do watch a lot of TV. When I'm not
at work I sit in my bed and watch TV. I only sleep about
5-6 hours a night (remember, us experienced agers only
sleep to pass time, we don't need it). Even then I fall
asleep with the TV on. I have a bunch of books that I
bought because they sound interesting, but am I going to
read them? Of course not. I save all my old letters from
family and friends in an old mailbox that I have kept "just
in case". Worst of all, I go to Perkins by myself at 2 am
and read US Weekly magazine.
You might be thinking that indeed I am a sad, old man.
Well, durr. So am I going to try to change my life in order
to better what little years I have left? I've tried. Every
now and then I pick up hobbies and activities like some
form of arts and crafts (leatherwork, perhaps) or walking
around and meeting people. These things don't work for me
though. I feel I'm too set in my ways to be trying these
things and meeting people who frighten me. I feel very
comfortable being in my house. I get to have friendly
conversations with the mail carrier around 2:15 everyday,
and I ask her about her children and she always shows me
the pictures, I'll never tire of that, she's a strong and
gentle woman. Here she is the day she brought me my first
shipment of the "How to use computers" CD-ROM set I ordered
over the television. She showed me how to use the CD-ROMS.
I hope this vacation from Alex's monotonous and predictable
ramblings was enjoyable, I don't write much anymore (aside
from the occasional letter of concern to the FCC or the
local police station). And now back to your regularly
scheduled Alex.