The NES Drinking Trifecta


nes


Once again, I have an article that combines two of my greatest passions in life: Playing video games and getting stoopid. This time, however, it's time to go old-school and drink to some of your favorite Nintendo games of yesteryear. How sweet it is to have childhood and college all rolled into one wonderful activity. You're going to need an NES, two controllers, a light gun, and a copy of each of these games.

Drinking Game 1: Duck Hunt
Difficulty: Easy

duckhunt


Duck Hunt is the least difficult of all the games because the drinking pace is the slowest. However, I think it also may be the most fun. You'll need two players, a light gun, and a controller. Let's kill some poultry.

Here's how it works:

  • Round up your friends and a pile o' beer.

  • Whoever goes first takes the light gun and picks their game mode (one duck, two ducks, or clay pidgeons).

  • The player goes one round, and at the end of the round drinks once for each duck or clay pidgeon that they miss.

  • If you shoot a perfect round, all other players drink.

  • After each round, pass the gun to the next player.

  • If someone fails a round, then the next player gets to pick the game mode.

  • One extra thing worth remembering is that when playing one duck mode, a second player can actually control the duck.

It's much, much simpler than I make it sound here, it's just kind of hard to explain. This is a really good game to play with people who aren't big videogame players, because it's very, very uncomplicated. We sometimes add the rule that anyone who shoots at the dog as he mocks you for missing drinks an extra one.

Drinking Game 2: Blades of Steel
Difficulty: Normal

bladesofsteel


This game takes substantially more talent than Duck Hunt, and it's worth learning how to play the game before you start drinking to it. To be perfectly honest, I'm not very good at Blades of Steel and we always have really high scoring games, so I'm not sure how well this will work if you don't suck ass.

Get it On:

  • Get two players and some beer ready in front of you. If you have more than two players draw up a tournament bracket or something. But only two at a time.

  • All the teams are more or less the same, so don't worry about being cheap.

  • Once the game starts, the loser of every faceoff immediately has to take a drink without pausing the game. You can try to control the game with one hand or go find a straw, but you have to drink right away, and you can't pause.

  • When a goal is scored, the non-scoring player drinks.

  • If a fight breaks out on the ice, the losing player takes a no-pause drink.

  • If the fight goes to the special fighting cutscene, both players and spectators yell out bets on who wins, and then drink their bets or give them out depending on the victor. It's okay to pause to dole out drinks.

  • At the end of every period, each player drinks the other player's score.

  • Scoring on yourself results in the finishing of your beer.

It definetly takes a slightly higher lever of nerditude to figure this game out and do any good at it, but if you're already loaded enough to bust out the old Nintendo you shouldn't mind.

Drinking Game 3: Rampage
Difficulty: Extreme

rampage


Nothing makes you want to drink more than a giant lizard and a giant ape knocking down buildings. Now, you can be that ape. This one is definetly a fifth year senior level drinking game, so you had better be locked, loaded and ready to drink a lot of cheap beer and pass out sleeping on the toilet seat with little chunks of vomit in your hair and your date going home with someone who had better intestinal fortitude. These rules may not make a lot of sense if you've never played the game, however if you pick it up for thirty seconds you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

Round 1, Fight!:

  • Get your friends and a lot of beer, and keep all your beers ready and right in front of you. You'll need to be fast.

  • When the last punch that fells one of the buildings is landed, the person who destroyed that building yells "drink" and the other person has to take a no-pause drink immediately.

  • If you are killed, you drink, and you must keep drinking as the other player destroys building while you respawn.

  • If the other player destroys another building while you a drinking, you need to drink again without pausing.

  • If both players yell drink at the same time because they both thought they destroyed the building, everyone drinks.

  • Often it's best to have an impartial judge do dole out extra drinks for players who don't take their drinks fast enough

If you make it through all 50 states and actually complete the game, you should probably give ol' Betty Ford a call. You could also play with another team and see who can get though more states before giving up or passing out. It's good stuff.

Now that there is a powerful trifecta of the old-scool. Nothing says "I'm cool and retro and ironic" like drinking to video game greats of the 80's. But if I see you wearing a retro trucker hat, I'm punching you in the face you dirty hipster. You can pick up an NES and all of these games for probably thirty or forty bucks, so get on it, and happy drinking.