Alex's Favorites: Video
Games
I am a nerd. There is no question about it. And nerds
play videogames, because they have to. It's genetic or
something. So, here I shall use my faulty genetics to
bestow a public service on upon the lot of you cretins, and
tell all of you about my favorite games of all time. This
is by no means a comprehensive list of every game I've ever
loved, but if you went out and bought all of these games
you would be a happy man or woman. No, just a happy man,
because girls play stupid games.
System: Arcade/Nintendo
Bubble Bobble is an absolute classic. As far as game goncepts go, this is my favorite one ever. Sure, it's simple, but it's fun as all get out. You trap little guys in bubbles then pop 'em. That's it. It rocks. An interesting personal aside: The evil whale thing that shows up when you take too long used to scare the shit out of me when I was little. Shut up. It's creepy.
System: Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Genesis, PS2
Contra is my kind of game. You play as a manly-man with a large gun who kills things. No thinking, just running, shooting, and occasionally jumping. And these games are hard. Not modern hard. Old-schol hard. Three lives, no continues hard. Suck it up, bitch. Don't play the PS1 Contras. They blow.
System: PS2
These games will melt your corneas to your aqueous humor, which may or may not be next to each other. Think PaRappa the Rapper (or any other music game) but extra fast and with crazy psychadelic backgrounds. You press the buttons as they correspond with stuff on the screen. Seems boring, but it gets really hard and REALLY addictive. These games will make you their bitch.
System: PS1, PS2
I have secret agent fantasies, and no game fulfills them like Metal Gear. You can do all sorts of cool shit like sneaking around, snapping necks, hiding C4, and all that business. The plots of the games are full of overcomplicated and nonsensical political intrigue, but in a good way, which is cool. And it doesn't hurt that Solid Snake may be the single most badass guy in the history of video games (and owner of maybe the only cool mullet ever). Raiden (the other guy), however, is a tool.
System: Arcade, PS1, PS2
First, you need to get one thing straight about this game: Being able to play DDR does NOT correlate in any way with the ability to actually dance. I am a prime example of this. You can DDR your geeky little heart out, but as soon as you go to a club you will look like the pasty-white, rhythm-impaired fool that you always knew you were. All you do is step on some pads on the ground at the same time as the arrows that appear on the screen. Sounds simple, but it's not. Also highly recommended as a weight-loss program. Note: Do NOT lump me with those fat white/tiny asian nutjobs who play this game obsessively. It's fun, but not worth cramming bacon-grease covered quarter after bacon-grease covered quarter into the machine at the union just so other people can watch your flab and fat-sweat shake around. Please, I'm trying to play pinball.
System: PS1
Do not play this game if you get motion sickness or are on any sort of mind-altering drugs, or are pregnant (unless you want your kid to come out a damn e-tard). It's a strange-ass game. You cruise down a tunnel full of colors and shoot evil bugs to the sweet, sweet sounds of The Crystal Method. And if you get sick of the game (which you shouldn't) you can play the soundtrack in a regular CD player. Bonus!
System: Super Nintendo, GBA
The best action/adventure game of all time. I really couldn't explain exactly why, but it is. You play as a tiny man in a green suit that cuts things with a sword and goes on magical adventures. Sort of like Peter Pan I guess, but without all that flying nonsense, and a lot less homosexual. Buy this game and get your adventure on. A classic.
System: PS2
This game is bad-ass. You play Dante, half demon, half human cool guy with white hair and a red coat who shoots two guns at once-Two! and uses a retarded huge sword. It's like resident evil would be if you took out the boring and nonsensical puzzles (what's this broken wagon wheel doing in the police station?) and replaced them with serious ass-whuppin'. Just playing this will make you feel cool. Playing the sequel will make you feel profoundly uncool.
System: Dreamcast
Creepiest, weirdest fucking game ever made. It's a virtual pet kind of game, but here's the catch. You raise a fish, with the head of a man, and the game comes with a microphone so that you can talk to it. And he's a talkative little jerk. He'll ask you all sorts of personal questions, talk to you like some sort of slimy therapist/molester, and generally make you feel uncomfortable and retarded for talking to a video game fish with a man-head. That, and it's narrated by Leonard "Spock" Nimoy. That's right, Mr, Spock. Oy.
System: Arcade
Another great old game that no one has heard of. You play as Mr Do, ball-wielding super-clown extrordinaire. You dig through tunnels and squash monsters with apples or throw your ball at them. You can also eat cherries. Sometimes evil letter monsters will appear. I don't get it. But you don't have to get it to enjoy it, and enjoy it you shall. As an added bonus, it's easy to find for your handy arcade emulator, so you can play it without having to find more laundry quarters.
And that is, more or less, my 10 favorite games (or game serieses) of all time. Go buy and play them all. And remember kids, it's okay to be a nerd, so long as no one knows about it. No! No more hiding in the shadows, cowering from the sunlight and showers. Embrace your dorkitude! Throw open your windows and shout to the world "I play video games, and that's okay!" Just don't be surprised if your ass gets beat up for your lunch money.