Drinking: The Czech
National Pastime
It is very, very difficult to talk about Prague without
discussing drinking. This is because I spent probably less
than half my time there sober, and the people who actually
live there are sober even less. The way to be in the Czech
Republic for both tourists and citizens alike is to stumble
around in a drunken haze during as many hours of the day as
possible. Fortunately, with alcohol prices the way they
are, this becomes feasible for even the most budget-minded
tourist.
Alcohol in Prague is cheap. Like, Jersey hooker cheap.
First, consider that the exchange rate while I was there
fluctuated to anywhere from 20 to 24 Czech Crowns to the
dollar. Then consider that a half-liter of beer cost from
15 to 30 crowns, usually. That's cheap. At those prices you
could more than merely drown your sorrows. You could
brain-damage your sorrows out of existance.
Generally, there are four categories of places to go at
night in Prague.
1-Places you go to drink: The number of bars in the city of
Prague may equal or outnumber its population. Every
neighborhood will have at least a few, usually in the form
of restaurants that also happen to be fully stocked with
booze, and these are usually your cheapest options. If you
are looking for something a little more upscale, there are
plenty of touristy bars to go to, but these are all no fun.
2-Places you go to drink and dance: I hope you like techno
and eurotrash, because that's what the club scene is in
Prague. Avoid Karlovy Lazne, with five stories of
pink-clad, fasion-forward Italians and a range of music
from Umph-tss-umph-tss to um-pa-chikka-um-pa-chikka. I was
a big fan of M1, which had a playlist of the finest 90s rap
you will ever hear. Once I walked in and heard the sweet
strains of "No Diggity", I knew I was home. There is also
the legendary Lucerna, but that will be getting an article
all its own.
3-Places you go to drink and look at boobs: The city is
filthy with titty bars, with an emphasis on the filth.
Every black man in the country is, I believe by law,
employed handing out pamphlets for them, all picturing much
more attractive women than you will actually find inside.
We managed to stumble into one once, but we uncerimoniously
ejected when a girl we were with rushed the stage and
danced with the stripper. Unless you want to breathe clouds
of chlamydia, stay away.
4-Places you go to drink yourself to death: There is an
extremely depressing type of bar called the Herna Bar. They
are usually tiny, poorly lit, contain one or two slot
machines that you are guaranteed to win nothing on, and
Czechs looking to develop a case of the cirrhosis go there
and die slowly. Herna Bars are not recommended for
tourists, or anyone looking for fun, unless your idea of
fun is soul-crushing depression and suicide by alcohol.
Advice:
Bring cigarettes. Plenty of them. There is nowhere in the
entire country that you can't smoke, and if you're out at
night and not smoking, you will probably not be allowed in
anywhere. In fact, I think the Czechs put a special
compound in their beer so that it won't make you drunk
unless you have nicotene in your system.
Drink anywhere and everywhere. Pre-party on the streets, on
public transportation, or anywhere else you think it's
appropriate. The cops are probably drunk anyways. As an
added bonus, booze purchased at convenience stores is even
cheaper. 33 crown bottles of wine? Five crown beers?!
If, for god knows why, you decide to go dancing, dress
lightly, and have fresh air available. The Czechs have not
perfected air conditioning technology, and, more
importantly, shower technology. Clubs get hot and reek of
BO very, very quickly. At times, you will feel the need to
flee, so mark your exits early. On the plus side, you don't
really have to shower, as your smelly ass will fit in just
fine.
Things to Avoid:
Don't go drinking anywhere touristy. Yes, I know Czech
people are scary and probably hate you, but between braving
them and paying outrageously inflated alcohol prices,
choose the former. Plus, Czechs may be bad, but
non-American (and also American, but especially
non-American) foreign tourists tend to be even worse, and
they're even more likely to stick to tourist traps than
americans are. If I don't like dealing with Czechs,
Italians certainly don't.
Fear the British. Seriously. They come in kilted hordes for
stag parties so they can get cheap beer and cheaper
hookers. One of the classes I took cited the statistic that
fully 70+ percent of arrest on Friday and Saturday nights
are of British Males.
Don't buy drugs from people on the street, not because
drugs are bad or anything, but because they're not drugs.
I'm smart enough to realize this, but others I knew were
sold a range of substances from tar bits to incense to
flour, all of which I'm pretty sure are not real drugs.
Just drink like a normal Czech.
I can't say I'm totally thrilled to have found cheap booze to be one of the best parts of sepnding a semester abroad, but when it's that cheap, it's hard not to. It really is quite thrilling when practically any establishment in an entire city is in your price range. Compare at most, 5-10 dollar cover (if any) and 3 dollar beer with, say, Paris, where you will easily find fortyish dollar cover and fifteen dollar beers. You are in no way out of line if you want to visit Prague just to do some serious drinking, and you will not be alone.