Flame Warriors ~ View topic

Clueless Newb Joined: 07 Jun 2005 Posts: 15

I didn’t see the red carpet out front, so I hope you don’t mind if I let myself in. Now, you people have all undoubtedly heard of me; I mean, really – who hasn’t?

But, if you haven’t – I feel it’s important to understand me; to take a glimpse into my id, if you will. So, I’d like to just tell a little about myself just so we can bond a little. I believe that the best way to understand me is to understand how I function; so, I’m going to start small and build on up.

#1 – Breathing

That’s right, you whimpering fucks, I breathe. Despite evidence to the contrary, people as spectacular as me do require regular repertory function to stay alive. I know, I know – you’ve all read in bible study that Gods don’t need this piss-ant oxygen bullshit. And, for eons, we didn’t. But, and your handy fuck bible doesn’t point this out, I was born in ’85 and god changed the rules about that time to make sure I had the edge with the Olson twins – after the apocalypse, we’re bound to find each other and have a dandy time. You know, I’ve learned not to question him, you pricks – accept it because he said so. God’s the shit; great dancer.

#2 – Where did I come from?

Yes, this is the second simplest thing you should understand about me; and please – just accept it and don’t ask why; god hates that shit and so do I. The evolution of human kind will end up as me. Blowing your mind out with a Nina yet? Well, I hope not because you fucks are going to love being like me. Here’s an evolutionary chart for you – just so you can have a frame of reference.

It’s actually quite simple. At first, you fuck-ups were all hairy little apes: slinging your shit at each other and about as inquisitive as a tree stump. Then, after a couple of million years one of your ancestors had the bright idea to try walking on his hind legs. After a few million more years, ya’ll picked up a stick and started beating the shit out of each other – we call that ‘the great awakening’. Now, a few hundred thousand years later, one of those inbred idiots figured out how farming works, and then over the next few millennia ya’ll started developing technology. Around 1985 I was born, and in the next few hundred years, we will have a race of super beings which are far superior to you bastards and you’re 4 dimensions. You know, it’s all because of those fucking Anabaptists this is all happening; ya’ll shouldn’t have done that shit – letting kids choose rather to be baptized or not. You all should have picked Mormon… if you’re a Mormon, you will be saved; all the rest of you fucked up and will burn in hell for all eternity. The only exceptions to the burning in hell clause will be the Jews – they’re existence on earth was perpetual hell, so we’re designing a limboesque existence just for them… Not exactly heaven, but a hell of a lot better than you will get; You do realize the internet’s evil, right?

#3 – Who runs hell?

This is an interesting question, since we all haven’t decided yet. God, actually, had a conference about this a few weeks ago, and we think we’re going with Andy Dick. Of course, Andy Dick – Not only does he fit the criterion for the embodiment of evil, but he used to have a show on MTV – which was the first social meme started by the current incarnation of evil to pollute your dumb ass minds. What the fuck were you people thinking?! You had to know that Carson Daily was the wrong solution to you’re boredom problems.

#4 – Why are you such a bad-ass renascence man?

This question really needs to be answered in two parts. The first part, of course, is because I’m the greatest mother fucker alive, and you sniveling sons of bitches would die without me. Secondly, it’s just because I’m such a humanitarian. Look at all the good I’ve done in the world.

In this image, I’m discussing with Johnny about the prospects of opening up trade relations with heaven to try and lower oil prices. He said he’d have to talk to Chuck about it (God’s real name is Chuck) but he says that the one sided bullshit of heaven getting all of us without returning anything needs to stop.

And here, you can clearly see that I took a picture of the first lunar landing and them planting that their flag.

I think I’ve said everything that needs to be said.
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URL signature removed due to lack of activity.

Your site is for homosexuals like yourself, Brent eats semen like it's funnel Cake and he's starving, and you pretty much eat your own shit, and hide behind an admin pannel.

That sums it up.

Thanks for listening.

Super Troll?

I am in awe of your ability to mix narrative with expletive.
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"Here I am. Trying to put sense to it and I know there isn't any."

~Mel Gibson, Mad Max

Clueless Newb Joined: 07 Jun 2005 Posts: 15

Clueless Newb Joined: 07 Jun 2005 Posts: 15

http://brawl-hall.com/forums/

You might try the link above. I'm too depressed to get into a flame war right now. They keep showing the same episodes of the Chapelle show on Comedy Central and that's the least of my problems.

You may also want to post your next searing bait over here:

http://redwing.hutman.net/%7Emreed/forum/viewforum.php?f=4

Have a good night.
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"Here I am. Trying to put sense to it and I know there isn't any."

~Mel Gibson, Mad Max

Look! A flaming paper bag! Someone go tell ATV to get his boots on.
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Ang pangit mo!

Clueless Newb Joined: 07 Jun 2005 Posts: 15

Wow, your pom pom waving might break a nail, be carefull, princess.

Rambler Joined: 05 Apr 2005 Posts: 1690 Location: Misourri

[b]Theognome[b],

Sad

Why does everyone keep ignoring me? I've twice posted that this needs to go to the correct forum and no one is listening. This might be making me really sad. Sadder than I was before. Crying or Very sad

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"Here I am. Trying to put sense to it and I know there isn't any."

~Mel Gibson, Mad Max

Clueless Newb Joined: 07 Jun 2005 Posts: 15

You sure seem to be putting a lot of effort into simple trolling. I did have a hard time following along although that could be because I'm so depressed. It just didn't really make any sense at all, your last post; the one where you attempted to parse with logical arguments Theognome's reply. I don't think you're very nice at all.

Crying or Very sad

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"Here I am. Trying to put sense to it and I know there isn't any."

~Mel Gibson, Mad Max

Clueless Newb Joined: 07 Jun 2005 Posts: 15

Rambler Joined: 05 Apr 2005 Posts: 1690 Location: Misourri

Rambler Joined: 05 Apr 2005 Posts: 1690 Location: Misourri

Rambler Joined: 05 Apr 2005 Posts: 1690 Location: Misourri

Hells Kitchen Enforcer Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 655

Incoming message...

From: Dr. Michael Lombardy; Project Director: S.U.P.E.R. T.A.R.D.
To: FW and any and all other sites involved.
RE: Unauthorized Internet Access.

Gentlemen:

Please excuse both this interruption, and the one initiated by our research subject, Super Tard, and accept on behalf of the institute, my apologies for any inconvenience this has caused.

Unfortunately security at the institute has become rather lax as of late, (budget cuts and congressional oversight committee meddling), we have been forced to scale back our standard security measures concerning outgoing e-traffic. As a result of this, one of our laboratory subjects, ST, has gained and exploited unauthorized access to the internet.

We backtraced the url to an image it posted, (use of the term 'It' is predicated upon the creature's lack of genitalia, after radiation exposure had withered them to the point of complete disappearance), of it’s favorite charts, used for three years in the process of teaching it how to breathe on its own; in order to find out what it was doing on-line. (It always did like that one because it is yellow, although we have yet to understand completely it’s fascination with the evolution model chart; ST represents a rather flat line in that aspect)

Perhaps a bit of explanation is in order, however I must insist upon complete confidentiality, if word of this, erm...aberration should reach the general public, there is no way to estimate the amount of damage that may be done. SuperTard, or ST as it is affectionately known here at the Institute, is the work of many years of intensive training and research, involving hundreds of trained professionals, and thousands of hours of electrical shock experimentation. (Mostly for research purposes, but we do have a little fun now and again)

The name SuperTard is an acronym for Scientific Understanding of Primates Exposed to Radiation & Tactical Anti-Radiation Development. However, ST is an anomaly even to us, being the product of a mutant involutionary process. As you will readily observe in ST’s actual involution chart; that as the body increases in size, the cranial structure actually decreases, with of course, the resultant reduction in mental capacity.

But that is not the most fascinating aspect of ST by any measure. You see, even as the words it types are registering in your forum, ST is asleep! Yes, as strange as it sounds, the creature has manifested the symptoms of the parasomnia, somnambulism (sleep-walking), by which means it has reached the communications center, accessed the internet, and made it’s way into your forum all while remaining fast asleep. When ST is awake, its mental abilities register only on the most delicate and finely calibrated of measuring devices. (ST will spend hours printing out and then eating pictures of bananas, peeling away the blank paper portions as if it really was a banana, it is a cute/sad thing to watch. It has worked incessantly on the locking mechanism on the entrance to his enclosure – a twist tie from a loaf of bread - for the past 7 years to no avail.)

We are currently investigating a theory proposed by our colleagues in Switzerland; that the combination of radiation and shock treatment, together with exposure to U. S. Army Code-Breaking training videos, (before the full extent of ST's deficiencies were known it was scheduled to be used in satellite-based code intercept missions by the Army), and the Police Academy series we pipe into it’s enclosure at night, have somehow merged to form the nucleus of its apparent somnambulant intellect.

I must at this point warn you of the danger, and ask a great scientific favor of the members of this forum. Do not, I repeat, do not awaken the creature! ST is by nature, relatively harmless; but inherently dangerous due to its immense and unguided strength. As long as the non-REM sleep state can be maintained, there is no danger either here at the Institute, or in your forum. Therefore I ask that you do not respond to the creature known under the nic “ST” in any manner whatsoever. Do not acknowledge its presence at all.

In the interest of science and national defense, I would ask all forum members to participate in our research by observing and cataloguing in a separate discussion thread, the ‘antics’ of our sleepy little ST. Remember: Do not interact with ST in any manner, rather, comment with opinions formed through individual observations of its behavior in the appropriate thread, to be saved for posterity.

Science, for the common benefit of all humanity, thanks you.

Dr. Michael Lombardy
Project Director: S.U.P.E.R. T.A.R.D.
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Everyone.... sssshhhhh! Let's follow Dr. Lombardy's advice. Don't wake up the SuperTard.
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Dasn't mess wi' me or I`ll rip yer horkin' hade off.

Ahh, it's good to see the initial volley is out of the way. I think ST'll fit in well here. He opened up in Illusionist fashion, and made both a subtle South Park reference and condemnation of Andy Dick. There is probably no human being alive I hate more than Andy Dick, so this signifies some degree of taste. He's purposely left bait out to attack, and he seems to be surviving Theo's poke-attack pretty well. Hm. I think I'll make that into a tactic.

ST: I do not believe WillWonk was mocking your handle; I thought it was short for "Super Troll" at first myself, until I noticed the link in the signature. Even then, I was still debating it. We have a lot of trolling going on these days, so we're somewhat prone to jabbing people in the face with a stick to discern if they're trolling or just insulting us to fit in.
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Clueless Newb Joined: 05 Jun 2005 Posts: 30

ST came off as a swollen sphincter, but after checking out the site in his sig (noting his stance on PETA, open-source software, and his brother's book), all is not lost.

Maybe a case of brashness drowning out talent.
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