Flame Warriors ~ View topic - Types of people you work with or see at work

Official Discussion about "types of people at work" thread

What sorts of people do you see around the work place.

Here are a few.

Squirrel.- Tireless worker always busy doing the same thing over and over and over and ....

Chook (Aus sl. for fowl) - spends the day scratching around and looking for little jobs to do

Musik - can't do a damn thing unless the radio is tuned into a mostly music station, or some other device, typically with the volume above the level where you can't talk to other workmates.

Radio Show - Will ensure you too are up to date with all the latest hot topics in radio land. The constant grating noise, usually at an uncomfortable level, soon leads many to believe Radio Show is in love with the announcers voice or enjoys listening to some sad people ring in who are easily baited by the show.

Sloth - could someone do the job any slower?

Whinger - every little problem - yes; you'll hear about it.

Tumble weed - blows around the work site. No one is quite sure what they do.
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I'm Musik, except I mostly play my own stuff, not the radio, and people seem to like it.

Ghost - the guy who you always see around, out of the corner of your eye, except when you're actually looking for him.

Abacus - The numbers freak. Only concerned with rank and sales figures, views employees as no more than interchangeable drones whose purpose is to generate revenue. Disliked by the majority.

Mr Cool - Like the popular kid in school, spends all day schmoozing and talking to friends, yet management likes him because he seems so upbeat.

I'll probably think of more later...

I've got several Sloths and Whingers were I work unfortunately...

'Funny' kid - kind of person who thinks that poaring sauce all over the dishes you just cleaned is 'just a joke'. Doesn't help re-cleaning them...
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The Voice of Reason Joined: 31 Jan 2005 Posts: 1368

I'm pretty sure tumbleweed is someone who's pretending to work.
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nah I like music, it just annoys me when you need to be able to talk to co workers, but can't.

Tumble Weed is about, but no clues to as what they are supposed to be doing.

Workers I couldn't find a name for.

The Shammer or the Art of Sham(ming)- One who gives the appearance of performing their assigned tasks yet is lounging. Also applies to one who has finished his assigned tasks way early and is doing just enough to look busy so he doesn't fall into the "Hey you!" category. The Shammer also tends to disappear for long periods of time when given an assignment that takes him out of his work area. Wandering the halls or other work areas on the semblance of looking for some crucial tool. The Sham also applies to one person in a group who lets everybody else do the work while giving the semblence of helping. An example would be five people will have to move a large heavy object. All five get in on the pickup but one puts his hands under it, but doesn't apply any strength. When the object is put down, he will be the first to stretch his arms and back. Classic sham. Army personnel have taken the Art of Sham to heights never before seen by mere civilians.

Hey you! - The unfortunate soul who hasn't yet perfected the Art of Sham and is the first person sighted by the supervisor on duty. He is called to perform some tasteless more than likely unnecessary task, something like guarding the garbage can or something.

The Giver or Grantor of Favors: Typically done by a superior but can be done by a peer who has some flair. Goes like this, "Come by at two today, I'm gonna let you help me clean the offices."
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[quote="Fence Sitter"]nah I like music, it just annoys me when you need to be able to talk to co workers, but can't.

Mushroom- One who prefers writing code and/or administrating servers from a dark closet, whom is only to be bothered when someone has shit to throw at them. They're virtually always antisocial primadonnas at work, but can't be easily fired because they're too important or difficult to replace. (Mostly found in the computer industry, but sometimes appear in other technical positions.)

Enigma- A strange employee. Despite being a total burn-out, they are still dedicated workers. They regularly complain about their job while still at work, yet neither quit nor look very hard for a new job. It's almost as if they're stuck in place but have little drive to get out.
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'Roach - makes you wonder how he/she gets by at home. Thinks nothing of disregarding uneaten food and drink well where they got tired of eating or drinking.

Seagull - someone working with a substances that to an intelligent person would not be such a good idea to be flicked or flung across rooms, corridors down stairwells, etc. They actually think it's amusing if it lands on you or something you're working on. In some sense like Funny Kid except they know know better.
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Have-a-chat -- like nothing better than a good natter.. about anything really; the job, trouble at home or anything else you might offer.

Gossip -- Sharing sort of person really - apparently has nothing better to do the spread any personal information, true or otherwise around with co-workers and even visitors to the work site.
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Climber - The 'upwardly mobile' type determined to make it in the company. Can be easily spotted by his overly-cheerful-bordering-on-phony demeanor, frequent regurgitating of company propaganda, sucking up to all superiors, never disagreeing with company decisions or badmouthing the work, and seeming to have no social life nor subjects to talk about that don't involve the 'company values' in some way. Generally working in lower-to-middle management.

Knows-it-all Really seems to know the job and what it entails backwards, even if they do have a few ideas completely wrong. This can come across as aggressive or passive, but refrains from reminding everyone of it all day long.

Know All. Likes to advertise they know stuff. It seems no subject that comes up, isn't something they know a lot about.

Big Mouth. has an opinion and will share it. Often found expressing any unhappiness about the job with others who'll listen.
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Wordy Bore Joined: 09 Apr 2005 Posts: 397

Drone- The person who actually does all the work. He's the one
in the proverbial ditch with the shovel.

Two others hover about to offer advice on the proper operation of the shovel (which end to use etc.)

Two others are drinking coffee and talking about their trip to Sturgis

Two others are looking at paper and pointing in different directions.

Another guy is fabricating a special stand to hold all the unused
shovels.

Another is on a two way radio telling someone to get more shovels.

Another is on the phone indefinatley listening to the boss tell them what
to do over and over, and complain about the lack of productivity.

Guess who gets blamed for putting the hole in the wrong spot.

Heh heh, something like that seems so familiar.

Fast and Furious Boy is this person fast, but often doesn't bother to confirm exactly what needs to happen, takes short cuts and prides themselves on how they are doing the work of 20 people. Most of the time they seemingly get away with the poor or sufficient job quality due to their high output. But the poor sod who has to fix everything they did when it breaks, holds Fast and Furious in a completely different light.

Any crzzy reminded me of another type of worker.

Plan Says? Usually a foreman, but with an unfortunate ability to get not so complicated plans, not so right. However they are able to redeem the project with some modifications. Those under them, but with no real means to communicate with Plan Says? that they are wrong, wonder just how they ever managed to this point in life.
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Playful Cat- A boss/manager who enjoys using employees as his personal playthings, much like a cat that's caught a mouse. Lays verbal traps for people so often that it becomes difficult to tell when he's genuinely setting you up or if he's purposely making it seem that way. Typically found in Human Resources, with either formal training or an active interest in psychology. Annoying, but harmless.
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Obstacle This person always seems to be working near where you need to be. You spend the day getting around them as they have the knack to pull something apart or working on something in the most inopportune places.

Miser With this species, dare you not throw away the useless article that long past its use by date, otherwise you'll hear it make easily recognisable company mating suck up call.

Bower Bird. Be impressed how Bower Bird can accumulate so many tools and bits and pieces around the work site (generally company owned) , that of course wasn't originally allocated to them.
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Something reminded me of this type of worker. Either unnoticed or deeply embedded into the business so they stay about, usually for some talent they apparently have.

Ugg - Ugg doesn't stick out like a sore thumb, but for the tireless maintenence personnel who find various problems from time to time which indicate the presence of Ugg. Ugg has their mind made up a lot of problems can be solved through physical means. Most photocopiers computers TVs and similar equipment can do some physical encouragement. Doors and similar items that don't open or shut properly can be solved by forcing it without first checking for some other reason first. Handles that don't wind - rather than get someone to lube it, should be snapped off or the inner gears forced so hard the the teeth sheer off. Ugg loves to keep little tools about too, that are helpful in their little adventures in fixing things.
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Oops - Oops tends to be the guy who deals the deathblow to the copy machine, computer, coffee maker, and generally everything electronically run that somebody else needs to use. Frequently encountered standing over broken/malfunctioning equipment, suprised and confused that this always happens to them.

Lunch Run Groundhog - He barely talks to anybody, preferring instead to do his work quietly, away from his co-workers. Then somebody decides to get food for everyone, and his head pops out of his little hole for a brief nanosecond to get in on the run, then he dissapears again.

Explosivo - You can always seem to hear this person, so matter where you are relative to their position. Maybe they used to work in theater.

Nailed 'Em - An employee who's main goal is sleeping with everyone of the opposite gender in the workplace, existing relationships be damned. Can be funny to watch if their prey is immune to their charms.

Minimize - That guy who seems to always have a video game running in the corner of their computer screen when you walk by, but when you look closer the window dissapears.

Casual Everyday - Nothing like a little Hawaiian themed clothing to round out the workweek. Nothing like a lot of Hawaiian themed clothing to totally creep you out.
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Lurker Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 3

Paper weight - Doesn't do a damn thing that couldn't be done just as well by an inanimate object. Generally close to retirement, but some manage to get away with it for a whole career.

Not mine, saw it somewhere else: Seagull manager - Flies in making a bunch of noise, flings shit everywhere, then flies off leaving a mess behind.

Heh a couple more:
Edit for additional info Sat Jul 21, 2007 1:20 pm

Sneaky Dog: This person thinks they're nearly at Boss status. There are often very cosy with the Boss or someone important in a position of power. However, they are really just another worker, but love to remind others just how cosy they are with the Boss. Often they try to establish their deluded position by interfering with those who are actually doing much of the important work. Luckily someone is usually about to block their unwanted actions, and Sneaky Dog will often resort to bassless complaints, like how untidy the workshop or office space is. Sneaky Dog, in an attempt to undermine will, as a coup de grâce, organise a cleanup of the workplace at a stategic time, like when everyone is out or not a work on the weekend, often resulting in dumping of quite valuable "junk." This may not come as a complete surprise to some, as there was a lurking suspicion that micro cleanups had occured in the past, as an explanation for odd bits of rather crucial "junk" that had mysteriously vanished . Somehow, Sneaky Dog is able to do this and not get fired and often then go on to ridicule the slowed rate of work from those they interfered with. Go figure!!!!

Landscaper: Not the garden variety, but the pesky twit who sees organising the workspace and maintaining equipment as something to do until something more important comes along. They, in reality, are clueless, even though they look the part. The problem with Landscaper is, "it's all about the looks", to the detriment of functionality. Shiney bits, and really cool (but entirely pointless) doodads that can be added to a "tired" bit of equipment are a must. Their efforts are not welcome, especially by those who have to undo all the nonesense, and often end up in the process of a full overhaul.
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NECROMANCER!!! BURN THE NECROMANCER!!!
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Rambler Joined: 05 Apr 2005 Posts: 1690 Location: Misourri

There's a few in my office that I've assigned names to.

The Colonel

A reference to fried chicken, the colonel is an older, greying southern gentleman who, through his southern drawl, white suit and string-tie appearance, will charm you with his clever lies. As 'homespun', 'reasonable' and 'just plain common sense' his ideas and comments are, they are designed to inspire doubt in other work mates. He is quick to correct, and usually does so with a slightly barbed story, in somewhat Evil Clown fashion. This person is typically either in lower management or is simply a very longstanding employee who has office influence through sheer time on the job.

The Redneck Jew

This dude is Yom Kippur meets King of the Hill. Likely to be a Mason or Shriner, The Redneck Jew is a swindler who plays 'by the rules' by making sure that his interpritation of the rules hold sway. Easily angered, he is always busy- though never really getting real work done. However, if an 'expert' is needed, he is on the scene- and will drive away all others to make sure he is at the center of things. This allows him to ask for (and sometimes even get) extra pay or fringe benefits. As long as he can be by the book, he will use that book to gain as direct control on the company purse strings that pay him as possible. Successful Redneck Jews can actually convince their bosses that they are indispensible, and move into lower management. However, they flounder and eventually leave the company when they get over-promoted; or anytime that they actually have to produce real work that must be accounted for.

The Night Stalker

These are workers that call each other in the middle of the night and talk about... work. Typically, they are found in upper management, though they are often found is small, start-up companies as well. Night Stalkers spend most of their work day thinking as opposed to doing mechanical activity, and many such folks simply can't shut off the flow of ideas. In upper management, as well as other office groups working on intellectual production, they will call, e-mail, and text their co-workers at all hours, day or night. To them, it seems completely normal to carry on a conversation at work on a particular topic for several days- spouting new thoughts, ideas or opinions as soon as they explode into their brains. Amongst Night Stalkers, the divorce rate is very high as their job utterly consumes their every thought.

Theognome

Theognome
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Official Discussion thread about the "types of people at work" thread

Just a little something to keep this tread tidy.
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The important thing is knowing who owns the fence

Related to paper weigh.

Dead weight. Someone with the almost magical talent of eventually undermining in some manner the positive efforts of those around them, regardless of their position within the work place. More notable when they have a higher position, where they are prone to have more influence over others, and their misguided, or romantic concepts of what should be happening within the business, coupled with poor decisions, isn't just detrimental but entirely oblivious to any financial or morally rewarding outcome.

Special. Truly the rules and regulations of land and industry are beneath them, or simply "not for them". Sure, everyone else needs to go and get a permit, but they don't need to.
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Exquisite.
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"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

Lurker Joined: 15 Jan 2009 Posts: 1 Location: U.S.

Peeper - Someone who stares over your shoulder to see what your doing at work. Know's it annoys the s*** outta you, but still insists on doing it. Constantly making stupid comments to distract you in hope that you might want to be their friend because they have none outside of work. Of course never touches b/c that's just not HR friendly.

That's me! Shocked

Clueless Newb Joined: 25 Mar 2008 Posts: 33

I would love to see Mr. Reed do a series based on this.
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We really need to replace that "illustrator" at the top with "deceased" or something blatantly obvious like that so people will stop getting ideas about a dead man doing something.
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