Flame Warriors ~ View topic

Lurker Joined: 06 Jan 2005 Posts: 2

I stumbled upon Mikes art and satire soon after I had endeared myself to a coffee clatch called The Big Beautiful Womens Message Board on AOL. Yes I know hang a lamer sign around my neck but I started out with AOL and Steve Case as my net nanny. Shortly after getting all the wires plugged into my new 200 mhz computer I signed on to aohell and there on the sign in page I saw a link to the Big Beautiful Women Message board just begging to be clicked. Well I did and was transported to a new and wonderful world called message boards.

I dove right in and my first post were crude and provocative, but effective. The war was on! I honed my crude skills to a razor sharp edge and became a most fearsome warrior. Some how the board became "transparent" to me and I could see down into the soul of each poster. My attacks became more and more pinpoint, the shrapnell only wounding the intended targets. I slashed through the post like they were butter and my keyboard was a read hot knive. I knew not only what to attack, but when. I could leave for a week and the board would become silent, when I returned, just to look they would know and begin to buzz about the hated ********. I was turned in to aol so many times that I would laugh at them and post private emails about the plan to get me that had been sent to me by my spys. I even posted instructions on how to report me and how to put me on ignore (which they were unable to do). Trolls and other lesser Warriors would pop in from time to time but they never learned the soul of the board. Most were hit and run warriors that though lacking in skill had a very crude enthusiasm. They were not effective, they could not make the board tremble with fear like I could. The funny thing is was the board was a community and although I was universaly loathed I did become accepted and like the evil concentration camp guard I was able to finally walk among the prisoners.

As the net became tamer and Steve Case got his way I found Mike and his wonderful art and satire. I read the whole site from the index to the end. Every warrior was or had been me or I had meet them on the field of battle at one time or another. It was really like I was posting in a parallel universe and there on the internet I find the warrior site and it is like I was home. I saw warriors on the site that were as clumsy and non imaginative as I was at one time and the ones that could spill more blood on the field of battle with the raise of an eyebrow than a warrior still learning his craft could with a broad axe.

Time became my enemy though. Other activities like making a house payment caused me to loose the keen edge I had hone. I could no longer use the dreaded TOS document as my weapon. It was turned against me, and that little stint as Super Reeves where I successfully masquraded as Christopher Reeves typing away with a straw between my teeth durring one of the AOL community chats didn't help either. I began to have trouble creating new accounts. I used up my alias karma, that and I was kicked off AOL more times than most teenagers ever heard the words "you've got mail".

So thanks Mike for letting me relive some of the silliest moments of my life. I will be sending you a donation as soon as I get my donation for mIRC sent off.

Oh, for anyone that may have read this far my suggestions for a few threads. I suggest that anyone that has been involved in a good flame war please pen your accomplishments here. There could be no better place to immortalize your craft than right here amongst friends.

Also it might be fun if some of you strong warriors told about which warriors you have been, which ones lead you to the next level, did you have a master to lead you or did you learn the art yourself, what battle scars do you carry, have you ever been bested on the field of battle?

And lastly, for us old dogs who can still get off the poarch but really don't feel the need to leave the yard, tell us of wars present, wars that we could watch as the stench of battle and death rise with the dew from the blood soaked earth. Some of us may even be able to assist you in your skills.

Holy fuck can you ever carry on about yourself!

I read through that whole post, hoping that at some point a reason for your effort would emerge.

You could have (actually, should have) just posted:
"I used to toy with fat chicks on AOL (much like 10,000 other Internet first-timers), but now I'm too self-important to continue doing so. What are your greatest flame accomplishments?"